Sophie:
Will the elantra go drinking
with us too? I've always wanted to go drinking with a
Korean lawnmower!
I also know some people in Ohio but the only stopping we'll be doing there is for random drive by frog tossings.
Is it grammatically correct to say, "where the streets have no name"? Shouldn't it be "no nameS"???
Um, should we blow up the moon or something?
Blowing terrible gales may
be fun and all (believe me I know)
(Care of the British broad) Can I repeat, "It blows terrible gales there." Alas, we have our quote for the entire journey, "It blows terrible gales there."
The biggest problem would be the cows, they would be out of a job. Shards of the moon will fall to earth, sending millions of cows to the picket line. Cows, once the largest producer of cheese in the world, have been replaced by the vast amounts of fall out debris from the moon namely 'cheese.' Many cows would start kicking over lanterns and some might even cross the picket lines and become part of the problem "wholesale cow salesmen."
Wow, we've got a modern day liberace on our hands!! Except maybe he's Canadian
Now lets see these ho's that
you are talking about!
No ho, he is my travelin biatch
So now we have the "Throw it in her box set" featuring the terrible blowing gales. This can only get better!
Ho-sale
Allow me to handle this one.
If moving on a bus, and you
get into an accident then you have a high percentage of landing on someone
else, as opposed to slamming into the seat in front of you which has gum
stuck on it. In an effort to avoid the gum, the govt. feels that the lack
of seatbelts reduces the gum in the hair ratio. As far as trains, no belts
are required because they have beds. The Chicago transit authority, (Saturdays
in the park?) feels that with the beds, people should be usin them for
gettin your freak on, and if the train gets into an accident, then all
the better for freaky deaky. In pertinence to planes, the belts ARE needed
to keep people in place so they don't get high off of someone else's oxygen
mask before a crash ensues. God forbid you aren't high when the plane
hits.
The Traditional Physics Question:
early on the morning of, lets say for ha ha's, Dec 15th, while crossing the vast emptiness that is NY state, 2 bodies were ejected from a Jetta travelling at the rate 73MPH. With the release of some 290lbs from the Jetta, how long would it take said Jetta to gain an average speed of 79MPH? Bear in mind that there is a 12MPH cross breeze and you MUST take friction into account, for throwing out the basic rules of physics is not applicable. It should also be noted that the remaining driver, who we will refer to as Justin, has a broad grin on his face, shifting the placement of weight in his body 1 degree to N/NE. For the sake of argument, they were ejected through the back windows, one through each, at exactly the same moment. No, the extra baggage is not in consideration and please use a calculator when tallying up how many ?'s you have :) as far as weight, I figured randy at 155 or 160 and I figured you around 120 125 and I said AROUND 290
The answers:
Sophie:
Since friction has already been taken into account (why else would the
other two riders have been ejected), we will have to assume that if said
remaining driver remains smiling like a damn idiot for the next, let's
say, 276 miles (a feat in itself), with the 1 degree body weight displacement
taken into account, he'd end up in ... Ottawa, which, as all civilized
people know, is located in the lovely nation of Canada.
Moral: Keep lovely travelling companions in lovely green Jetta, or risk being trampled by reindeer singing "You better watch oot, you better not poot..." you know the rest.
Roo:
No matter which way you slice/dice/julienne it, 125+160 does not equal
more than 185 pounds (even if you are British). If we are talking physics,
we are talking precise weights. I have no room for inconsistencies in
my life, except for my incontinency.
*Editor's note, Randy was wearing a construction hard hat while writing this entire email.. BEAT THAT!
A Jetta is a car made by Volkswagen. VW's are German. Randy is German,
therefore Randy is a car. As we all know, a typically western mass Randy
cannot exceed the speed of 15 mph (without falling off a treadmill), so
therefore it is impossible for said Randy to be going 73, or have 1 (one)
Sophie or 1 (one) Justin "ju ju" Bates on his back while trying
to propel himself at such speeds. Therefore, I have proven that it is
indeed IMPOSSIBLE to cram all that graham into Golden Grams. DONE.